The shortest distance between two points is a straight line (except in Tulsa, Oklahoma, between 7 and 9 a.m., Monday through Saturday.)

            The Boxer Rebellion was actually on September 6, 1981 when Larry Holmes, Muhammad Ali, Sugar Ray Leonard and Thomas Hearns entered a laundromat and beat up four old ladies.  “We felt it was an ample time to rebel,” Sugar Ray admitted to reporters afterwards.

            On November 17, 1972, town officials in Upduck, Iowa, informed half the town’s population that a red light now meant “go” and a green light meant “stop.”  A record 648 car accidents occurred that day, and the mayor of Upduck appeared on the cover of Time as the “Funniest Man of the Year.”

            Adolf Hitler didn’t use utensils when he ate, historians say.  “He was such a slob,” wrote Hildegard von Kemp, a member of Hitler’s house staff, in her recently discovered memoirs.  “But sometimes we couldn’t help but laugh when der Fuhrer would eat sauerkraut or mashed potatoes.  The potatoes would clog his nostrils, and when he looked up, the entire staff would roar with laughter.”

            The Gettysburg Address is 1217 Avondale Street.  Don’t bother calling, though.  The line is disconnected.

            Little Miss Moffet actually sat on a beanbag eating a stack of pancakes with sausage on the side.  “Curds and whey make me puke,” admits Ms. Moffet, now 67 and living with her husband and three bulldogs in Tacoma, Washington.  “I could never stomach the slop.”  Moffet also admits that a spider never sat down beside her, and she hopes that whoever started those rumors about her would kindly stop spreading them.