Signs that the kids of today are being raised to grow up like a bunch of weenies:

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

Five inches of snow or less?  You had school.

TODAY:

A slight coating of the white stuff.  Two hour delay.  Two inches?  No school.  Already teaching kids that it doesn’t take much to bail out.

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

We walked to school.  Seriously.  Or if you lived at least two miles away, you took the bus.

TODAY:

You live more than three blocks away?  Don’t worry!  Mommy or Daddy will drive you! 

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

We treated our elders with respect.

TODAY:

Kids are raised to believe they’re the new messiah so they have no time to respect anyone around them.  And who can blame them?  Thousands of photos and constant video of everything they do from their first crap to their first hit in little league; their parents constantly talking about how special they are to most people who don’t give a shit…kids today think they really are something!

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

We ate peanut butter, peanuts, anything with nuts in it.  We were nuts about nuts!

TODAY:

God forbid you eat anything with nuts!  If you don’t have a peanut allergy, and you probably do, the kid next to you could have an allergy and just by sitting near you he could die!

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

We played with all the kids in the neighborhood at the park or creek miles away from home.  Mom said to be home by the time the sun started to go down.

TODAY:

Today’s “Helicopter Parents” love to hover over their kids!  Paranoid parents calling other paranoid parents to set up stupid “play dates” because God forbid the kids go outside and run around the neighborhood!  Guess what?  It’s the same number of kids getting abducted today as forty years ago.  We just didn’t have all of this incessant 24/7 media breathing down our necks back then…making us even more paranoid!

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

Obesity wasn’t a problem because we played outside!  We ran around!

TODAY:

Xbox, Playstation, Wii, Nintendo DS…lots of little fat asses.

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

We got spanked.  So what?  We misbehaved, we got spanked, we cried a little, we learned from it.  We moved on.

TODAY:

Kids don’t learn anything from their mistakes because if they do something wrong they get a “timeout”.  Gotta stand in the corner or in my room for two minutes because I poured last night’s leftovers in the toilet and flushed.  Flooded the bathroom and hallway.  Uh-oh!  Mommy’s giving me a timeout!  Sweet!  While I’m alone in my bedroom I’ll think about my next devious act!

 

WHEN I WAS A KID:

We watched The Three Stooges, the Muppet Show, Bugs Bunny, Tom & Jerry, Roadrunner cartoons and other stuff filled with hilarious slapstick violence.  We laughed at how docile and lame Mr. Rogers was!  You see, we understood that what we were watching was satire and shouldn’t be mimicked.

TODAY:

Kids are brought up on Thomas the Tank Engine, Barney, Dora the Explorer and the mindless Teletubbies because if they watch any of the shows above they may turn out to be murderers or abducters because Moe used to poke Curley in the eyes!  Or kids will just be violent and filled with rage because an anvil fell on the Coyote’s head!  Are you kidding me?  One minute of Barney and I want to throw a brick at my TV!