(Special thanks to the Spring Lake Elementary School in Wichita, KS.  The following lists are for the fifth grade students.  See if you can notice the slight changes between the two lists.)

 

1960

·        #2 Pencils

·        Crayons

·        Scissors

·        1 Notebook

·        Notebook paper

·        1 Ruler

·        1 Glue Stick

·        Multiplication/Division Flash Cards

 

 

2010

·        #2 Pencils

·        Crayons (No larger than 24’s)

·        Pointed Scissors

·        3 ring binder (2” rings)

·        3 marble composition books

·        1-five pack binder dividers

·        White lined paper with holes

·        1 Ruler-Centimeter/Inches

·        2 Glue Sticks

·        Colored Pencils

·        Red Pen

·        1 Black Sharpie

·        1 Package of 4 different color highlighters

·        Erasers

·        1 Rimless whiteboard and dry erase marker

·        Pencil Case (No Boxes!)

·        Post-Its

·        Container of baby wipes to clean desks and prevent spread of H1N1.

·        1 Calculator-seriously, what are flashcards?

·        1 Calendar-so you can mark off the 47 holidays, 32 half days, 18 in-service days (wink! wink!) and 2 election days…and then let your parents know so they can have a heads up in using their PTO at work.

·        1 Amazon Kindle.  So now you can download the 1970’s textbooks we use in this school.

·        1 cell phone with unlimited texting so that the classroom will not be interrupted with students’ passing notes.  Just be sure you’re pretending to pay attention while texting your friends.  And make sure it has WIFI so you can cheat during tests.  We don’t give a shit if you learn anything…we just want a clear conscience when we give you an “A” so we can continue to get our government funding.

·        1 Apple iPad.  So now you can plagiarize with style!

·        1 disrespectful attitude-God forbid you respect your teacher, but no worries!  You won’t hear any gripes from us!  We know that if we lay one hand on you your spoiling parents will sue this school district so fast…our ridiculous fat pensions will be paying for your college education!

·        Didn’t mean to write “God” in that last bullet!  We know God has no place in public schools!  Sorry about that!  For the love of Christ, please don’t sue!

·        Please disregard that last bullet as well!  Not saying anyone out there has or hasn’t a “love of Christ”.  Thanks, and see you in September!