31 Mar
From the unpublished book, What is Said, What is Meant by Dr. Frank Blunt of Ann Arbor, MI. Dr. Blunt has always enjoyed word play. Sometimes he invites them over for a sleepover, too.
What is said:
Can I borrow two eggs?
What is meant:
Can I take two eggs? You know and I know you’re not getting them back.
What is said:
The doctor will see you shortly.
What is meant:
The doctor will be in here at some point today. You see, you’re his fourth 3PM appointment. Since the other three have higher co-pays, you’re the lowest in the pecking order.
What is said:
Please continue to hold. Your call is very important to us.
What is meant:
We don’t give a shit if you hold or not. We here at the call center are barely making minimum wage and it doesn’t matter to us if you hang up or not…doesn’t effect our measly bi-weekly paychecks. Plenty of other annoying calls to take.
What is said:
This will hurt me more than it hurts you.
What is meant:
This won’t hurt me at all. I’m gonna beat yer ass and I’m gonna feel good about it afterwards. For days.
What is said:
It’s only a game.
What is meant:
It means everything to me that I won and you lost.
What is said:
It’s no trouble at all.
What is meant:
You’re asking me at 4:29? What the hell are you asking me for? Don’t you know I work 8-4:30? Ask Sheila! She’s here ‘til 5! And she showed up a half hour late this morning anyway!
What is said:
Sure, I’d love to see your vacation pictures.
What is meant:
Someone please shoot me. Shoot me now.
What is said:
It’s not you, it’s me.
What is meant:
I’m just trying to let you down easy. It’s so you. Why do you think I’m the one dumping you?
What is said:
Don’t worry, I’m not contagious.
What is meant:
How the hell do I know if I’m contagious or not? My last name doesn’t have an MD after it. So you can stop with the glares and stares every time I cough or sneeze. I need to save my sick days for when I run out of vacation days.
What is said:
I shot par on that last hole.
What is meant:
Thankfully, you were in the woods during my second, third and fourth shots.
What is said:
I don’t want a thing for my birthday.
What is meant:
Necklace, earrings, watch, ring. You better be handing me one of those items in a small wrapped box the day of my birthday………or else……
What is said:
You know I didn’t mean that.
What is meant:
Yes, I did. Why do you think I said it in the first place? I meant every word of it and now that you’re crying your eyes out I’m trying to soften the blow. Get ready for me to follow up that sincere gem with “It’s not you, it’s me.”
What is said:
Excuse me, I’m looking for penis enhancement pills. Which aisle can I find them?
What is meant:
I’m…I mean…uh…this fella here is looking for penis enhancement pills. They’re…uh…for a friend of his. Yeah. A friend.
2 Responses for "SAID/MEANT"
Not that I need to pump your ego up any more, but you are RIGHT ON with this Seek Therapy! Were you playing golf with my uncle recently? No one ever wants to play with him or EVER believes him when he “gets” par!!
Keep them coming! Loved this weeks Seek Therapy!!
Penis enhancement pills…aisle 5, bottom shelf next to the KY Yours and Mine ointment!