30 Aug
From the Marcheesi household in West Chester, PA during the afternoon of 8/28/11. We see the dad, Sal Marcheesi, sitting in his recliner, staring at a blank flat screen TV in the living room. His teenage son Vito is staring at a blank TV in the family room. Teenage daughter Carla is sitting at the kitchen table, staring wondrously at her dead cell phone and mom Dina is pacing around the house.
DINA: Well, the worst of the storm is over and I think we should all be counting our blessings that one of those trees in the backyard didn’t fall on the house!
SAL (pointing remote at the flat screen): What the hell?
VITO: Something…
CARLA: Why isn’t anyone…
DINA: Listen, everybody…
SAL: What is wrong with this?
VITO: Something’s not right with the Xbox.
CARLA: …texting me back?
DINA: LISTEN, EVERYBODY! We lost power! How many times do I have to say it? Vito? Get in here! Carla! Come in the living room. Yes, gather round.
SAL: Something’s wrong with this remote. I just replaced the batteries. Madonn’!
DINA: Sal, stop it! We lost power and we should feel very fortunate that nothing else happened. We had no water in the basement, we had no trees fall on the house…
CARLA: No one’s texting me back.
DINA: Because your phone is dead, honey! No electricity, therefore you’re not able to charge it! Let’s use this opportunity to spend some quality family time together.
SAL: Hey! Who the hell are you?!
DINA: That’s your son…Vito.
SAL: He’s blocking the TV!
VITO: I’m your son, Dad!
SAL: Yeah? You know how to turn the TV on?
VITO: If I did, I’d be playing Portal 2 on my Xbox right now on the family room TV.
CARLA: I know no one’s texting me back because Debbie probably told all the other cheerleaders that I didn’t like Christy’s nose ring so they’re probably all ignoring me behind my back, like, this totally sucks!
SAL: I’m missing the Phillies game.
DINA: Phillies were rained out, your phone is dead…we have no power!!! Let’s sit here and have a family discussion. Let’s try communicating with one another! Remember that? Think we can all talk with one another for once?
VITO: I wonder if Josh has power at his house. At least he has a Wii.
SAL: You! Yeah, you!
CARLA: I’m your daughter, Dad.
SAL: You got a TV in your room?
CARLA: Yes, but…
SAL: Does it have a remote?
DINA: This family is stunad.
CARLA: I have to go to Christy’s house. I need to tell her that I like her nose ring.
VITO: I’m going to Josh’s.
SAL: I can’t understand why this damn TV won’t work.
DINA: Fine. FINE! Everyone act stupid! We finally have an opportunity to sit here and actually carry on a real conversation where we’re not distracted by TV, computers, cell phones and video games! But if you guys want to ignore me and carry on with your pathetic addictions to your soul-sucking electronic devices, go ahead! See if I care! I’ll be up in my bedroom!!! (She storms off.)
CARLA: What’s with her?
VITO: Why is she so angry?
SAL: Dunno. You’d think she’d be in a good mood.
CARLA: Why?
SAL: Even with the loss of electricity, her favorite little device still works. It runs on batteries!
The studio audience lets out a gasp then laughs and applauds. Sal, Vito and Carla all laugh as they high five one another. Freeze scene and roll end credits as cheesy 80’s sounding sitcom music is heard.