12 Jul
A clip from a recently filmed eCarnage TV ad. eCarnage’s advertising firm decided to pull the ad before it ever aired.
(SCENE: We see OJ SIMPSON sitting at a table in a dimly lit, romantic restaurant. He is dressed to the nines. As he sips his wine, the camera cuts to CASEY ANTHONY who is sitting across the table, also decked out. She looks lovingly into OJ’s eyes.)
OJ: Some more wine, Casey?
CASEY: Sure. Thanks, OJ.
OJ: I’m so glad I went online to eCarnage. I never thought I’d find another love in my life. Not after Nicole was so brutally murdered by someone other than me.
CASEY: And I never thought I’d find true romance again after my daughter Caylee died after mysteriously vanishing for 31 days. Still not sure how that happened, let me tell you!
OJ: I was so sorry to hear about your daughter. You must have been so distraught for those 31 days when you didn’t report your daughter missing.
CASEY: I was. My Mother’s Club was just about to nominate me for “Mother Of the Year” award when poof! She goes missing and my parents start telling the police that the trunk of my car smells like decomposing flesh! Duh, thanks Mom!
OJ: Didn’t you say it was your nanny who kidnapped Caylee?
CASEY: Yes, until everyone found out that I had no nanny. Like that was somehow my fault!
OJ: I know! Sorta like in my case that everyone thought I killed my ex-wife! I never killed a white woman in my life! And helllllllllo? The gloves didn’t fit! Sheesh!
CASEY (chuckles): You kill me.
OJ: Not yet.
CASEY: How’s your investigation going?
OJ: Huh?
CASEY: After you were found not guilty you stated you were going to spend the rest of your life tracking down Nicole’s murderer. Any leads?
OJ: Er, no. But I…uh…feel like I’m pretty close. Yeah. Something should turn up soon. Uh huh. You gonna look for your daughter’s murderer?
CASEY: Hey! I wonder what specials they have here tonight?
(A WAITER enters. He looks remarkably like Ron Goldman.)
WAITER: Can I take your order, miss?
OJ: You gotta problem, pal?
WAITER: Excuse me?
OJ (brandishing a dangerous looking butterknife): You looking at my white date?
WAITER: Uh…I’ll give you two jailb…er…lovebirds a few more minutes. (He exits.)
OJ: Listen, why don’t we blow this joint?
CASEY: I’d rather smoke it. Ha, ha!
OJ: Seriously. Let’s get out of here. (He begins to put on a pair of tight, black gloves.)
CASEY: Sounds good to me.
OJ: And we, uh, take a ride in my car?
CASEY: You sure you wouldn’t want to go in my car? There’s something I’d like to show you in my trunk.
OJ: If you look first.
CASEY: Let’s paint the town red tonight!! (Both tilt their heads back and laugh like hyenas. Freeze scene.)
VOICEOVER: Looking for something meaningful? That’s why people like OJ and Casey come to eCarnage. And that’s why we take the time to match you with singles who share your traits, values, goals and non-guilty verdicts by juries of your peers. eCarnage…the #1 online dating service for singles who would kill for a good time!