As Seek Therapy celebrates its 250th, rather than look back we take a look ahead at some future issues.  Here’s a sneak peek:

 

STARVED FOR ATTENTION, PERHAPS?

MIA FARROW:  I have begun a water-only fast as a gesture of solidarity and as a personal expression of outrage at deaths from starvation, thirst and disease in Darfur.  There’s a question in the back?

MEDIA:  Ms. Farrow…what do you plan to accomplish by starving yourself?

MIA FARROW:  I undertake this fast in the heartfelt hope that world leaders who know what is just and right will call upon the Government of Sudan to stop the bloodshed in their country.

MEDIA:  Well, we just heard from the President of Sudan and he said he “doesn’t give a flying rat’s ass” if you starve yourself.  

MIA FARROW:  What if the rat wasn’t flying?  For argument’s sake?

MEDIA:  He thinks you’re just trying to gain attention because you haven’t made a movie in 17 years and you’re frighteningly irrelevant.

MIA FARROW:  That’s so not true!  (Pause)  Are you going to finish that bagel?

 

I WONDER WHAT PIGLET BACON TASTES LIKE?

WINNIE THE POOH:  Hey, Tigger!  Where’s Piglet?

TIGGER:  You didn’t hear what happened?

WINNIE:  No, what?

TIGGER:  The swine flu.

WINNIE:  That’s great!  I’m so happy for him!

TIGGER:  What?

WINNIE:  I’m so happy for Piglet!  People always say, “Sure…when pigs fly!” And look at that!  Piglet flew!  Must’ve grown some wings.  Good for him!

TIGGER:  What the hell are you talking about, Pooh?  Piglet’s dead!  Haven’t you heard?  The swine flu!

WINNIE:  Well…maybe he should’ve taken Amtrak instead.

 

TAKE THAT, AL QAEDA!

OBAMA:  I have a great idea!  Let’s close Guantanamo Bay, release the terrorists, then prosecute the C.I.A. agents who interrogated them!  That’ll show the world that in my administration, we will not put up with Americans attempting to defend America through torture even though it has worked brilliantly these last 8 years!  As long as I’m in the White House, we’re going to be all nicey nice to the terrorists.  That’s how you get even more information out of them.  In fact, we’re having a sleepover tonight.  Watch some movies, make some Jiffy Pop, give each other makeovers, maybe find out where Bin Laden’s hiding.  Nicey nice.

 

SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED “MEDEVIL” TIMES

FARMER:  Once we sell these crops at the market today, Wife, we should have enough money to pay the taxes on our farm.

WIFE:  That will save our farm for the summer, Husband.  But what shall we do come autumn?

(Suddenly, ROBIN HOOD and some of his Merry Men swing down from the trees.)

FARMER:  Wife!  It is Robin Hood!  Sir Robin…bless you!  Bless you!  Are you here to give us some much needed money from the rich?

ROBIN HOOD:  I’m sorry, Good Farmer, but this is a stick up.  (He and his Merry Men strip the Farmer and his Wife of their money and crops.)

WIFE:  But I thought you stole from the rich and gave to the poor!

ROBIN HOOD:  The rich are flat broke these days, fair lady!  My Merry Men and I are now borrowing from the poor to help bail out the rich!  The rich have blown all of their money on foolish deals.  Can’t punish them because they run the country so we’ll punish you!  Once the rich have some money again, we’re figuring that money we borrowed from you will then trickle back down to you poor.  Trickle-down economics, my friends.  The rich need money to create more jobs for their businesses and…

FARMER:  Excuse me.  By taking my hard-earned money and giving it to the rich and their companies, doesn’t that create a moral hazard through the assurance of safety nets?

WIFE:  And doesn’t that instill a corporatist style of government in which businesses use the state’s power to forcibly extract money from taxpayers?

ROBIN HOOD (mutters):  Losers say what?

FARMER & WIFE:  What?

(ROBIN HOOD and his men giggle like third graders as they quickly vanish with the money and crops.)

FARMER:  Well, I hope future generations learn from this. 

WIFE:  Countries in the distant future can’t be this stupid, Husband.

FARMER:  I wonder why we can’t try trickle-up poverty?