From Hannah Reynolds, age 12, winner of the Lincoln Middle School Poetry Contest, of Dayton, OH:

 

 

                                   MAN(UN)KIND

 

Meow!  I am a cat.  With my radar sensor whiskers and my nose so flat.

I purr.  I sense a rat.  With my sharp little claws I want more than a chummy chat.

I walk and I stalk, carefully creeping upon my prey.

Determination pours from my eyes; I won’t let it get away.

 

Woof!  I am a doggy.  Been rolling in the grass and my fur is nice and soggy.

I bark.  I’ve made my mark.  The burglar won’t come in here with something growling in the dark.

I pant and I beg, they’ll feed me scraps any minute.

I know I’ll get what I want for if I whine I’ll always win it.

 

How absurd!  I am a bird.  I’ve been singing all morning in case you haven’t heard.

I chirp.  That’s the word.  When mommy isn’t around I steal her eggs, safe and sound.

I fly and I lie, yet I am beautiful, wouldn’t you say?

Because of my cunning nature, I’d say I am a blue jay.

 

Blub!  I am a fish.  If I don’t watch myself, I’ll be someone’s tasty dish.

I swim.  That’s my wish.  I am always becoming wiser so I don’t end up as your appetizer.

I breathe through these gills, making light of my day.

I often wonder what it’s like out there, but in the water I’m here to stay.

 

Hello!  I am a man.  I wear this three-piece, driving an expensive car, doing the best I can.

I speak.  I am so sleek.  I poison my environment around me but to stop my actions I am weak.

I walk and I talk, caring only for myself. 

The world could rot for all I care, as long as I possess material wealth.

  

 ANSWER:  The Feline Species.  Cause cats suck.

From the e-mail of Len Siren, 31, computer programmer of Fruitdish, TN, to his family and friends:

From: Len

To: Family/Friends

Subject: Baby Update

Hey gang!

SECOND TOOTH CAME IN TODAY!

 

But more importantly, Jupiter wrote his first poems last night.  He’s so shy…I found them under his diaper changing table.

 

“HOW I LOVE MY MOMMY”

by Jupiter Siren

 

How I love my Mommy,

She feeds me every day,

She holds me and kisses me

And throws my dirty diapers away.

I love to snuggle with her,

To be away from her is bad,

Cause when she’s away,

Much to my dismay,

I’m stuck with dear ol’ Dad!

 

“HOW I LOVE MY PACIFIER”

by Jupiter Siren

 

How I love my pacifier,

To love it is to suck it,

To suck it is to love it,

What the f**k?

I love to suck!

You’ll hate me if you chuck it!

“Marvin Mallard”

            Marvin Mallard was a green-headed duck.  He lived in Round Pond and never gave a f***, until one day when his Miss Betty Pie took off with a Canadian goose and vanished in the sky.

            “I don’t give a f***!” said Marvin the green-headed duck.  “Let Miss Betty Pie run off with that Canuck in the sky.  There are plenty of other ducks in the pond.”

            Well, the next day Marvin ran into Chuck, another green-headed duck, and Chuck said, “Green with envy, Marvin?”

            “Got the wrong duck, Chuck,” said Marvin the green-headed duck.  “I don’t give a f***.  I’ve had enough of that cluck.  Let Miss Betty Pie run off with that Canuck in the sky.  There are plenty of other ducks in the pond.”

            “I hear that Canuck’s got a truck,” said Ron the Swan.  “A Canuck with a truck beats a duck who don’t give a f***.”

            “I don’t care what you heard, you dumb bird,” said Marvin the green-headed duck.  “I don’t give a f*** about that Canuck and his truck.  With his luck he’ll get stuck in that truck with his beak in Betty’s

pluck!  Yuk!  Yuk!”

            Well, the next day Marvin Mallard was staring at the sky when who came flying down but Miss Betty Pie!  “Hello, Marvin,” she said with a grin, and added apathetically, “So, how’ve ya been?”

            “Been just dandy,” Marvin lied through his beak, “Been drinking my brandy and I gotta take a leak.”

            “My, my,” said Miss Betty Pie, “I see you haven’t changed.”

            “Why would I?” asked Marvin.  “Am I deranged?  You’ve been gone for three days.  What should I say?”

            “That you’re jealous as hell, and you miss me night and day.”

            “You’ve come back for me,” said Marvin. “That I am sure.”

            “Oh, please, darling,” said Betty, “you were such a bore!”

            Well, by this time a crowd gathered round.  There was hoopin’ and hollerin’, the pond turned into

a real battleground.  Marvin was to one side with the men by his back, and Betty on the other, where the

women began to yak.

            “I don’t need you!” Marvin yelled to Miss Betty.  “I’ve got other chicks to dance with on

the jetty.”

            “And I don’t need you,” retorted Betty with a jeer.  “My Canuck’s a real duck who sports a ten-inch spear.”

            “Your Canuck’s a dead goose!” Marvin yelled with all his might.  “Get him down here now, and I’ll show him a real fight.”

            “A fight?” smiled Betty.  “He’ll play with you like a pawn.  It’ll be a mismatch, like a gorilla to a fawn.”

            “I’ll sink that ape!” Marvin cried into the air.  “Get him down here now, and tell him to beware!”

            So off Miss Betty Pie went, and the birds surrounded Marvin.  “That goose is gonna kill you,” said Chuck.

            “Yeah, but I’m starvin’.  I need to win this fight, fellas, if I’m going to get her back.  If I lose, it’s a life of booze, and that I just can’t hack.”

            “I’m surprised,” said Ron the Swan, “to hear you speak with such passion.  A minute ago you were talking in such unkind fashion.”

            “Don’t you see?  It’s just her ‘n’ me.  I’ll bet there is no Canadian goose.  She’s trying to make me jealous, so I could pretend to cut her loose.”

            Suddenly, from out of the sky, a shadow fell upon…all of our friends, all of the pond, even Ron the Swan.  Marvin looked up, and so did Chuck, and their beaks dropped from what they saw!

            An enormous Canadian goose, and boy was he tall!

            Miss Betty Pie was by his side, and gee did the Canuck look mean.  Marvin’s stomach began to rumble, and boy did the duck look green.  “You Marvin?” said the Canuck, with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

            “Yes,” squeaked Marvin, “I guess I’ll be flying south.”

            “I want to fight for Miss Betty,” the goose said with a grin.

            “There’s no need for a fight,” said Marvin.  “You win.”

            “No fight?”

            “That’s right.”

            “Don’t you want to prove your love?”

            “To get my neck broken for this girl?  I’d rather f*** a dove.”

            With that the goose and Miss Betty looked at each other and shrugged, and together they flew away.  Marvin Mallard sat with his friends, disgusted with his day.

            “I learned something today, fellas,” he said with a smile.  “It makes this all worthwhile.  The

female gender ain’t never true to you, whether you’re a human or a duck.  So you’ve got to learn to live

without them and just say, ‘Hey, what the f***?’”

            So this is the story of Marvin Mallard, a green-headed duck.   And if you ever see him alone in Round Pond, be sure to wish him good luck!